Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Girlfriend's Guide To Surviving Sports Season

Ahhh......Fall, or Autumn as it is also known. Whatever tickles your fancy. Beautiful, cool breezy weather. The best holiday in my mind, Thanksgiving, is part of the Fall season. The leaves are falling from the trees making that crispy sound when you're walking down the sidewalk hand and hand with your significant other. It's actually my favorite season, nothing compares. Why you may ask? Well, it really isn't because of the weather nor the romantic walks in the park with my lady friend. Not even the deep south country Thanksgiving feast I indulge in every year courtesy of my grandmother leading the pack with my 5 aunts, 4 uncles, and numerous cousins who all chip in. Imagine the food that is on the table once we're all done and not even that is the main reason why I love this season.

It's because around this time, just about every single major sport is going on and for a sports fiend such as myself, I'm LOVING it. The World Series is underway with the San Francisco Giants and Texas Rangers, two teams no one really cares about outside of their respective cities of San Fransisco and Arlington. Nonetheless, it's the World Series and it will be viewed by millions. Not only that, the NFL and NCAA College Football are both in full swing, the NBA season has just begun as well as NHL and NCAA Basketball will be starting in a few more weeks. At LEAST six times if not all seven days of the week there will be a sporting event on television. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Hence it being called "Sports Season".

How can you not love this time of year?! Men are rejoicing right now in being able to sit at home or go to their local sports bars to eat wings, drink beer, BBQ, and talk shit about each other's teams as if we're sports analysts. Which every man thinks they are in their own mind, but I digress. This blog isn't about the men, this is about the poor girlfriends who get screwed during this time of year. The COLDEST part of the year is right around the corner in December and here's your man leaving you all alone to go hang out with his buddies and you're stuck at home watching Lifetime and eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and he has the audacity to say "honey, you've put on a few pounds what's up with that?" as if he wasn't to blame. Shame on him...but more so shame on YOU for not knowing what to do in order to prevent this travesty from happening.

Don't fret, this is where I come in. I'm going to let you ladies in on a few tips on how to keep your man interested in you as well as him not losing out on the most wonderful time of the year. It's not too late and you still have time in order to salvage whatever left you have of your relationship and even strengthen it. Just follow these tips and not only will you survive Sports Season, you'll also last through Cuffing Season.

Tip #1: Find Out What His Favorite Sports Are/Who Are His Favorite Teams-In doing this, you figure out how his schedule works around Sports Season and you can act accordingly to it by planning things to fill in the time slots of when his favorite teams aren't playing. This also prevents him from pulling a fast one and saying something stupid like "The Florida Gators play this Sunday night so we can't hang out" when you SHOULD know that College Football is always on Saturday, with the exception of some Thursday/Friday night games but let's not delve into that. Moving on.

Tip #2: Buy Tickets To A Game/Fan Gear-This is showing support for his love of sports by buying him tickets to a game or getting him fan gear. Also make sure one of those tickets is for you to get extra points. Want even more points then get a jersey of his favorite player from his favorite team, which leads into this upcoming tip...

Tip #3: Halftime/Blowout Sex-Take advantage to get some alone time by giving your man the goods during halftime since nothing is really going on other than recaps of the actual game he JUST was watching or scores around the league...he can catch on Sportscenter later so don't be fooled. If you're lucky, maybe the game will be a blowout and he's feeling so high and mighty that his team is demolishing their opponent he'll just want to burn off that extra energy with some Home-Run-Full-Court-Shot-Game-Winning-Touchdown-Grand-Slam-Bottom-Of-The-9th sex. Don't shy away from it, spice it up. Remember that jersey I mentioned earlier? Put that on w/ a pair of your sexiest heels to really get his attention. Just don't let that scene in Scary Movie play out:

SN: Anyone know what Regina Hall is up to these days? She's actually pretty fly...but back to the matter at hand.

Tip #4: Comfort Him During A Huge Loss-THIS is huge and is not being done enough in relationships. Not every team is perfect, they will lose. Unless you're the '79 Dolphins. Bottom line, perfect records are hard to come by and if his team suffers a loss you need to be there to comfort him. Especially if they lose a lot. Console him. Let him know that it's okay and rub his belly and tell him if he was the QB he would have led them to victory. Do NOT say "oh it's just a game" because for a man, having a team lose is equivalent to losing your dog to an untimely death by being ran over by a garbage truck when we weren't paying attention while walking it...so you know the feeling and we feel the exact same way. WORSE even!

Tip #5: Host A Game Party For Him And His Friends-If you don't want him stepping out for the games being surrounded by scantly clad waitresses feeding him wings, beer and attention (something YOU should be doing) then why not do it for him in the comfort of your home? You don't have to do this every single game, just maybe one or two games out of the season. Even better, ask him to have his friends' girlfriends to come over as well so you have someone to talk to while the games are on. Maybe between the women you're able to exchange more tips and just find some new friends. It's a win/win.

Tip #6: Learn The Sport-This is key, and a whole subject on it's own that I'm also working on for another blog post in the near future. You must be careful if you're going to use this method. If you're going to learn ask him questions but also do a bit of research on your own.

And that's pretty much it! Just follow these tips ladies and you'll be able to survive Sports Season, as well as Cuffing Season. Oh yea by the way: These tips do not qualify for side chicks. You're the side chick. Just keep playing your role, this is for women in relationships only. Get it? Got it? Good. Now play ball!


  1. Omg lol I loved this blog your tips will definitely come in handy seeing as my man is a die hard lebron fan! and sad but true im not so much into sports. Although tip #3 i think will come in handy the most for the other ladies!

  2. It's all good, sports isn't for everyone but at least this way it'll bring you and your boyfriend closer if you just give it a little bit of a shot. And yea, Tip #3 might get used and abused a lot but it can't be the only tip that gets done. No pun intended...