No matter how many times someone has said it to me, I still don't fully understand it. I've heard this from close friends to mere acquaintances. Family members and even co-workers. Maybe it's the way I dress, the way I talk or the female company I keep that is my best female FRIEND, who just so happens to be white herself and is also pictured with me as my Facebook and Twitter main picture. I don't know. It's a complete and total mystery to me and I honestly don't think I'll ever come to fathom this. I just want to know, how do I "look" like I date white women? Believe me, I've definitely asked and most of the time the answer boils down to: "you just look like you date white girls." Some have gone as far as saying "I could never see you being with a black woman." Some other answers I received went as follows:
"I wouldn't think that you specifically dated one race. I don't ever see you talk bad about black women."
"You seem like you're pretty open. A bit fickle, she'd have to be really smart tho. But u don't give 'whites only' vibes."
"It's obvious you won't put up with some of the crap most black girls are known for. Attitude and ignorance."
"You don't discriminate. You date who you're attracted to and who's available."
"I think you only date a certain type of woman who just happen to be primarily white. Chances are that the black women who have similar personalities, you're just not attracted to them."
Fair enough, but now you get the picture as to what I'm working with.
I'd like to break some news for those who think this: I have never, ever in my 25 years of living dated a white woman. Ever. As a matter of fact, two out of the four of my relationships were with black women. One for 4.5 years and the other for close to a year and those two relationships were the best I've had and I haven't come close to them since, and I've dated outside of my race after that. If you must know, the other two were Asian and Spanish respectively. Just not a white woman. I appreciate all races and backgrounds. I'm just a man who loves women. Period. If you're fine I'm gonna say you're fine and admire your beauty as a heterosexual man would. But I'm not going to sit her and go through reasons and keep beating a dead horse, so I'll move on.
Apparently, I'm not the only black male who has had this said to them. Some of my close friends, who are black have also encountered this. As a matter of fact when we go out, we're usually approached by women of other races and not so much black women, go figure. A fellow blogger and "tweeter", @WisdomIsMisery who also had this said to him before countless times and as a matter of fact we discussed this recently where a black woman approached him at a bar and mid-conversation told him he looks like he dates white women. Now, if you've ever had a conversation with me in real life or via public forum you'd come to the assumption that I am not the type of black male who...well, resembles that of Wakka Flocka or Gucci Mane. As a matter of fact I despise those cretins but I digress, this is about me. I wear H&M and American Rag. I don't own a pair of Jordans and never have. I don't like anything Tyler Perry. I listen to all kinds of music, with the exception of country and anything that has a stupid dance that you have to do it with. In a nutshell, I'm me. Just a big bag of pieces from different walks of life that make me into a whole.
I have "talked" to women outside of my race and in my race countless times, but once again reiterating no white women. I would also like to say I'm not above dating a white woman, because I would. I'm not here to debate against that. The real issue at hand is the notion that certain black men have a distinguished "look" about them as if they'd only date outside of their race as if a black woman isn't worthy of them. This is what I want those to understand and I'm going to speak on the behalf of all these black men who look like they wouldn't date a black woman: I have a certain "type" that isn't your stereotypical loud, crass, ghetto woman. I like to date women who have a good head on their shoulders, goal oriented and handle themselves with class. There are a plethora of black women who fit this description and I'm glad to say I am associated with a few of them so I know not all black women are loud and ghetto just like I'm sure you all know this as well. So when someone says "you look like you would date a white girl" I find it highly offensive because it's an insult not only to me, but to black women. It's almost as if you're saying we wouldn't date a black woman because they don't fit the description of having those attributes that I listed before. Now the type of "black woman" I wouldn't date is one that appears on Maury Povich 5 times looking for the father of her child. The type of "black woman" I wouldn't date is someone who sits at home collecting food stamps and unemployment instead of getting up and looking for a damn job or going to school. That's basically in a nutshell what you are saying when you say to a black male "you don't look like you would date a black woman." Now if I'm wrong, please state your case and correct me as to why some black men get this accusation. Don't get it twisted, I'm not upset by any means because I sorta see where the accusation comes from if we're looking at it from a stereotypical standpoint. But to use race as a means to state what type of women I'd date is ignorant and offensive to me and black women everywhere.