Sunday, July 25, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 14, Someone You've Drifted Away From

Dear Gainesville Family,

I chose you as people I've drifted away from because we haven't spent anytime together since I moved 2 years ago, aside from my recent vacation. Even then, I wasn't able to really be with you guys. Just bad timing I guess. We just share a common reason that's hard for us to overcome that caused us to slowly drift away from each other, let alone the distance, but I was able to finally make time. It's not going to get any easier as time passes along so I suggest we make it happen and start making more trips to see each other. It's a tough situation but the longer we wait, the harder it's going to be. There's no need for special occasions and family reunions just to see each other. We can take a weekend off and go somewhere. It can be done, no more excuses. This is something we can and all need to do. So this letter is more so an open invitation, and coming at a perfect time since we actually do have a family reunion coming up so we can discuss this more there. The breakdown in communication stops now, let's work on building it up again and making it stronger than before.

Your grandson, nephew, cousin, godson,

Chauncey

Friday, July 23, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 13, Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

Dear Britnie,

I decided to write you this letter as an open apology for something I did to you in the past that I could never forgive myself, and neither have you forgiven me for it. I would like to say that I'm grateful that you still accept me in your life especially having the honor in being one of your best friends. I had no idea what I was doing that night, due to the ridiculous amounts of alcohol I consumed with friends buying me drinks left and right for my 24th birthday. It was one of the greatest nights of my life and it was all thanks to you. You sacrificed a lot that night. Awkward company, subpar music, and you even went to a club and you HATE clubs! You put up with a lot that night...especially at the very end. With everything that I drank that night my stomach was basically a pool of rum, vodka, and crown all within a 3 hour period. And I mean a LOT. You were there, so you know. As soon as we left and I sat down in your car and we started moving I felt the upchuck reflex of liquor spirits attempting to escape the pits of my stomach. I tried to keep them down but we didn't make it too far and I asked you to pull over. We weren't even going to make it to the curb so you handed me an empty Gucci bag, instead I reached and grabbed YOUR Gucci tote bag and let loose, basically destroying any contents in the bag as well as the bag itself. I know you'll never really forgive me for it, but at least we can "joke" about it now. Now as to why I chose this as my subject matter: This is my public declaration to you, as I have said once before I'll replace your Gucci Bag with a brand spanking new one of your choice that will come out of my first paid writing gig. Within reasonable price of course. Hopefully then you'll truly forgive me for my stupidity.

Your BFF,

Chauncey

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 12, The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Dear Person That Doesn't Exist,

I was going to skip this letter entirely, but I decided to go ahead and write something to you. The reason I'm not referring to you by name is because you indeed do not exist to me. You may have at one point, but I've just forgotten who you are or why I even hated you in the first place. I say this because I don't "hate" anyone no matter what kind of pain they have caused me. Hating someone is not a state of mind like happiness or sadness, it's a state of being. Just like being in love with someone requires efforts that go beyond measure, and quite frankly I don't have the time nor energy to waste to spend hating someone. I don't hate on individuals who have crossed me, I downgrade them or just dismiss them altogether. As I said, hating someone requires way too much energy and time to spend, just like when you're loving someone. If you're going to invest time and energy in something might as well make it something positive. All the hate that I have for this unknown person is just going to be nothing but love for someone that deserves my time, whenever that person comes. And what's funny is...they are also a person that doesn't exist. Yet at least.

Chauncey

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Inception Review

Go see it. Now. I'm not joking. One of the best original ideas you've ever seen graced the silver screen. Personally, one of my top 3 favorite movies of all time. It's that damned good. Why are you still reading this and not in line to go see the movie? Did you not see the trailer? That alone should have got you to go see it already. Oh, you're busy AND you're broke? I'm sure you can spare $10 or less @ a matinee and two and a half hours of your time sometime within the week to go see this movie. It's PG-13 so don't tell me you can't bring your kids and are afraid of exposing them to something they "shouldn't" see. They'll be fine. If not, send them over to see Despicable Me...twice to cover the time you'll need to see Inception. You think you might not be able to keep up with the complexity of the film? Don't worry, it's honestly not as big as the proverbial "mindfuck" as most have described it as. It was refreshingly easy to follow and catch on to the terminology that is used without overloading your brain. I honestly did have to stop and think a couple of times to gather what had just happened. Despite all this...wait, why am I still writing? By now you should already be making plans to go see it and not even worry about what I'm saying. GO.SEE.THIS.FILM. And yes, this is a serious review. NOW GO!

Monday, July 12, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 11, A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Mom,

It's been 4 years since the last time we spoke. February 11th to be exact. A lot has happened since then, a whole lot. I don't know where to start really so, I'll begin with saying sorry. I'm apologizing for purposely trying to forget you when you passed away. I removed your pictures, any gifts you've given me, I've tried to forget your voice, locked away memories we once shared in the deepest corners of my mind. Dad has a picture of you hanging up at home near the front door as soon as you walk in...I don't even look at it, I look down or away as I pass by it. Songs that have reminded me of you, like Maxwell's This Woman's Worth as well as Boyz II Men's A Song For Mama, I skip on my playlist. I don't even wear the dogtag chain of me and you as a baby anymore. As time goes on the pain just won't go away no matter how hard I try to erase it from my mind. That's why I've also never made any attempt to come visit your gravesite.

But there's one thing I can't forget, and that's the promise I made to you before you passed away as I held your hand. "I promise that I will make you proud and be the person you always believed I could become. And I'm going to be the best writer the world has ever known and I'm going to win an Oscar to show it." Even though you weren't able to really speak back, I know you heard me. I said that to you because you once said that I was capable of doing it. You were one of the very few people that really and truly believed in me. You saw it at an early age and made sure that I stuck with expressing my imagination and personality through writing and reading. You never once questioned me or doubted me unlike many that have in my life. You never once judged me for the decision I made, you automatically accepted it as if you knew it all along. It's as if you secretly prepared me for this, and all I've done is run from it. I'm writing you to tell you that I'm done running and hiding. I'm going to take this challenge on that you gave me and embrace it, just as you embraced me. And I have.

I've actually been writing a lot more this year. I've started a blog site where I post some of my poems and inner thoughts earlier this year. I'd say it's doing quite well and I've been getting really positive feedback from people about it. I know you'd enjoy it. Me, Josh, Matt and Pbo who you knew as John are all writing together and even have written a couple of short films together. We just haven't had anything filmed yet but we're working on making that happen. I even moved out on my own for a couple of years, but I had to come back home for almost a year. I found a roommate and a new place to live and I'm actually trying to move out next month. I did take a break from school, a pretty long one. I know if you were here you'd kill me for that but I'm going to go back, someday. Just not yet. I don't want to go back if my heart's not in it. Honestly, you passing away has zapped some of my thirst for knowledge since you were always pushing it. I need to find that passion again, don't worry I'll definitely go back and finish. I saved the best news for last, and that's I'm getting published for a poem I wrote in September! It's going to be in an anthology series of poems and short stories with other writers. I know you would have been excited to hear that and once the book comes out I'll come read it to you.

I just wish I could share all these moments with you being here with me. I've at least learned to accept that's the way life is, and I've found some solace in that. But it still doesn't take away from the pain of losing you. That will never go away, I've just learned to cope with it in my own way. I feel guilty about it, and I'm sorry for trying to forget you. Instead of forgetting, I'm going to remember. Some aren't as lucky as I was to have a mother like you and I was able to be with you for almost 21 years, that's more than a lot of people can say who have never even met their mothers. I know you've forgiven me and now I'm going to give my thanks to you by dedicating the first Oscar I get to you on stage at the Academy Awards. I haven't made a promise since that day and I won't until I fulfill this one. I know I can do it because I'm finally realizing my potential. The same potential you saw in me and tried to bring out but I was too afraid to accept it. It's as clear as you may have saw it, maybe clearer. I can't say I've fully grasped it but I'm learning to embrace it. I could go on forever so I'm just going to cut it short here.

Love your son,

Chauncey

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 10, Someone I Don't Talk To As Much

Dear Noelle, Devin, and Travis,

You three were the first real friends I made when you guys moved down from New York to Deltona, and the only black people in our neighborhood for a while lol so it was natural for us to become friends. We had some pretty fun times together from the birthday parties (remember my 8th birthday w/ the clown and my 21st w/ the shot of Hennessey I took and almost threw up) to the school dances w/ Noelle, Devin being the neighborhood Mix CD burning king charging cats $5/CD making his side hustle, and I remember Travis playing a part in showing me how to ride a bike w/o the training wheels. I was a late bloomer, didn't really learn until I was 6 or 7. As time passed we started drifting a part, especially with Devin having the baby and Noelle getting married and having a kid of her own. I know you guys still keep in touch, because you're family. But I also felt part of that family and that's why it sucks that we don't really talk and hang out as much as we used to. It's the way of life, we grow older and start our own lives and thus we grow apart in some capacity. It's nice to know you guys are only a phone call or text or even a facebook comment away lol. But it would be nice if in the near future we could all link up, go out for some drinks and catch up. I miss you guys (no homo to Devin and Travis) as well as the rest of the family.

Your "brother",

Chauncey.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 9, Someone I'd Like To Meet

Dear Leonardo Da Vinci,

First off, I'd just like to say thank you for taking the time and "reading" this letter. You have always been an inspiration to me (and the title of my blog site) ever since my senior year of high school and I caught first glimpse of your Vitruvian Man drawing in a book. Ever since then, I became interested in your works as well as the Renaissance period as a whole especially the writings of Rene Descartes and John Milton. I was so interested I took Renaissance/Baroque Humanities twice in college. Well, because I had to withdraw the first time due to personal reasons I'd rather not discuss here. But in reading about your ideals and seeing more of your work, achieving to become a polymathic person, or "Renaissance Man" is something I strive for myself in a sense. Although, in today's age it would be nearly impossible to achieve it based on the standards that you and others after you set back during those times. The Modern Renaissance Man, I believe, is someone who can achieve the basics of physical development, mental and in the arts but just not in such a broad spectrum as yourself covered. Your intelligence was just too far ahead of its time, I'm sure if you were alive today your ideals would be more understood now than they were back then. I feel having a conversation with you would be a definite learning expericne and this is why, out of all the people dead or alive I would choose to meet you.


Chauncey

Thursday, July 8, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 8, My Favorite Internet Friend

Dear Blake.cc crew,

Where dogs do whistle, "snowballs" were a common discussion, online beef is made and taken from the threads to the chat rooms and back on the threads, peanuts aren't the only thing getting roasted if you know what I'm saying, midget nudes are exposed, and words like "astracge" and "trankwolizer" are part of the dictionary. Thank you for the laughs.

Kagepose,

Chauncey aka "Kagebunshin"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 7, An Ex

This was an actual letter I wrote my ex-girlfriend sometime early this year, the last girl I seriously dated. And yes, I did send this to her. We dated for a little over a year, not that it's really relevant. But I just decided to use this one since it was an actual letter I wrote and not something I made up, it luckily was still in my Facebook sent box so I just copied and pasted it word for word.


Dear ______,

Hey, it's been a while and I was thinking about you and wondering how you've been. Mainly I've been feeling guilty about something and I wanted to sincerely apologize for it. I remember us talking after a date, I think it was Olive Garden and you were telling me how when you get involved with guys, they usually leave you and you never hear from them again. Well, I wanted to say sorry for being another statistic to that category. I've been feeling bad about it for quite sometime and just never knew how to really say sorry or explain what I was going through and why I left you the way I did. I was just going through a very difficult time and I had to get away for a while. Well I'm back, but I'm not asking for us to try and start where we left off nor am I even asking you to talk to me or see me. This is just an apology for how I mistreated you towards the end of our relationship by pushing you away, I totally mishandled the situation and I know you deserved better than that. I hope everything is going well for you, take care.

Chauncey

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 6, A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I hope I am not writing this letter in vain and this letter will reach you someday. You were sitting across from me on the B Train as it was going downtown a little less than 6 months ago. It was mid-afternoon, sunny. And you had on shorts, flip flops and a blue and white tank top. You had a pen in hand writing in a notepad with a concentrated look on your face, and then your cell phone rang. I don't know who you were talking to due to all the noise on the train, but you seemed to be so engaged in your conversation you forgot your pen and notepad on the train and walked away. I just want to let you know that I've had them, and I also read your notepad. I apologize for invading your privacy, but I just had to take a glance at what you were jotting down due to the emotion you displayed on your face as you were writing. Upon reading this, I realized that you are no longer a stranger to me, but a friend. Your writings helped me in ways that you could never understand, or maybe you do. You see, I was on the way to a hearing that day about gaining half custody of my son. I was very nervous that the request was going to be declined, which it did. I can't blame the judge, he had every right to. At the time I was in between jobs, constantly high, and even had a charge of domestic violence on my at the time girlfriend and mother of my child. After I left the courthouse that day a broken man, I pulled out the notebook you left and began reading to take my mind off of what just happened and I was simply at a loss at the beauty in the words you displayed on paper. I've never been so moved before by anything other than the birth of my son. Such raw emotion and hope. This inspired me to become a better man not only for myself, but for my son. It gave me a reason to live. I just want to let you know that upon reading your entries, I am now 5 months sober and on the verge of possibly gaining half custody of my son again. I am now holding a job and have passed my 90-day evaluation period and on the payroll full time. I'm actually writing this letter to you using your pen and in your notebook on the way to the hearing, once again nervous but at least this time I am ready and hopefully will have my prayers answered and it's all thanks to your words. I haven't been on the train since, but I do remember you got on the train after I did so hopefully when I leave your pen and notebook on the seat where you sat across from me that faithful day you'll see it and be happy that I kept it all this time. If not, then I hope the next person that picks this up will be inspired just as much as I was. I wish you left some kind of contact information so I can properly meet you and thank you in person but maybe it's better this way. I at least want to know your name, but the least I can do is give mine.

Thank you,

Chauncey

Disclaimer: This is fiction by the way, I have never had a drug problem nor do I have any kids. I've never even been on a train. I only made this story up for this reason: you never know who you're going to make an impression on, so make sure it is a good impression because the way you carry yourself may inspire another to go on and do good things in the world and so forth. With this, we can eventually change the world and make it a better place for us and others that will come after us. But it all starts with you and wanting to make this change. Anything is possible just as long as you make the right decisions towards creating a better you. In short, always act accordingly.

Monday, July 5, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 5, My Dreams

Dear Dreams,

There's many definitions of the word "dream". It could be meant as a succession of images while sleeping or awake. It can also be used as a specific goal or aspiration you want to achieve. Or even to describe something as unreal, that it can only be viewed in your dreams but yet it becomes a reality itself. What I have to say to my dreams is thank you for giving me a reason to keep living, to keep aspiring to be a better person. I know I've doubted you in the past and even sometimes gave up on you and you were always there for me with open arms when I wanted an escape from reality. But now is the time for us to say goodbye. Only because I'm tired of dreaming, and I'm working on making you into a reality. It's going to take some hard work and discipline, two things I never exactly had but I'm willing to sacrifice whatever I have to in order to make you come true. You deserve to be able to see yourself as I envision you in the form of my first finished full-length movie script, a Golden globe, an Oscar, my own home, my wife, my children, my grandchildren, traveling to foreign countries, and most importantly a better me. We'll meet again someday, but for now this is goodbye.

Your creator,

Chauncey

Sunday, July 4, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 4, My sibling (or closest relative)

Dear Brother,

I really don't know where to begin with this, so I'm gonna be all over the place and freeball with what I want to say. Basically, you have every opportunity to be whatever it is you want to be, but yet it seems like you aren't tapping into your full potential. You kind of coast on by with life, and not taking any real initiative to make moves to put you in a better position. At least I'm not seeing them, maybe you are working behind the scenes and moving the pieces yourself. Maybe you're still trying to figure your own self out before revealing any of your plans. You're young, and I understand I was there too. But that's why I feel a bit of concern because I don't want you to go down the same path that I did. I want your road to be an easier road traveled. In short, I don't want you to be like me. I'm just now making my turn around the positive bend that has taken me YEARS to barely get back to because of decisions I've made and it looks as if you're going to travel down the same road I once went. Don't do what I did and try and take on the world by yourself, especially when you have people to help you like me. The world doesn't care how strong you THINK you are. All the ego in the world can't take on what fate has in store for you. Even Superman needed help and you are far from a superhero. But combined with the help of your loved ones you can be super. Cliche, yes. That's what makes it true. And this is my letter to you. I want you to be great. Greater than your wildest dreams at whatever it is that you end up choosing to do. As long as its something positive and also lucrative to some degree...sans drug lord over the Central Florida area. Or any area. Basically stay away from that shit.

Your brother,

Chauncey

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Finding "Love" In The Club

Just about 20 minutes ago I was jamming to one of my favorite Usher songs "Traffic" from his Raymond vs Raymond LP and then I realized that pretty much every R&B song today follows this phenomenon that you can actually FIND love in a club. I'm not talking about your chic lounges where the sophisticated go to for Happy Hour to unwind from their tough work days. I'm talking about the rundown and raggedy clubs that play Soulja Boy sets for 45 minutes that host wells liquor such as Juan Cervantes-Lopez-Suarez instead of Jose Cuervo. People actually have the audacity to be looking for love in places like this. And I blame the state of today's music, more so the state of today's R&B. There's worse songs than "Traffic", which is actually more so about a guy seeing a girl in a club and he just wants to have a chance to talk to her. Nothing wrong with that, pretty normal. I'm talking about songs like Akon's "Beautiful", another Usher track "Love In This Club", Dream's "Rockin' That Thang", T-Pain's "Bartender" (shoutout to @MissCindyBabyyy for that song) need I go on?

Can we not have R&B music that has a dude "falling in love in the club"? What's wrong w/ falling in love mid-conversation on a train or in Barnes and Nobel? I'm sure "club" has more words to rhyme with than "Barnes and Nobel" so I guess that could be why. There's an exception to every rule though, one of my best friends met his wife at a club. Going on 2 years next March and are happy as can be. I'm just saying don't go pick the girl that's on stage lifting her Ed Hardy dress up and then get mad when she plays you for a DJ. I say pick the girl that's standing in the corner w/ a drink in her hand bored as hell. She's your best shot as a potential girlfriend. And if I have to explain why you chose the "bored" woman over the Ed Hardy woman in a club then stick w/ Ed Hardy.

Personally, I'd like to meet a woman at a Farmer's Market or better yet the DVD section at Best Buy as she picks up the latest Little Brother CD. I approach her holding the same CD, we make eye contact realizing that we are meant to be together forever and then I bust out in song in the middle of the store with random employees joining in a huge breakdown dance number as I profess my "love" for her. We finish this musical number in the parking lot and I get her number. I lean in to really seal the deal for a kiss BUT I wake up from my daydream by Bertha the Best Buy cashier calling for next in line as she's walking out the door holding hands w/ her douchebag boyfriend wearing Ed Hardy with the new Plies and T-Pain CDs. The good guy loses again. Directed by Hype Williams.

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 3, My Parents

Dear Parents,

This is a non-thank you letter. Meaning I'm going to list what I'm not going to thank you for. I'm not going to thank you for giving me clothes, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and food. You're supposed to do that, if you didn't you'd be in jail for child abuse because of the times we live in. There should never really be a reason that a parent can't provide at least 1 of these 4 things for their children at a given time. Every parent does this for their child from the slums to the suburbs so that's not what makes you special. What I am going to thank you for is allowing me to express myself as a child, but also disciplining me and giving me structure to stay grounded as I became an adult. Thank you for taking the time to teach me things that no one else could such as how to respect others as well as myself. Thank you for stepping up and taking responsibility in raising me to be a free thinker as well as a man of action, even if I do procrastinate about it to an extent. Thank you for preparing me to become a leader, as well as a follower and knowing when to pick my spots wisely. Thank you for installing in me the everyday essentials to survive in order to adapt to new surroundings and challenges that come my way. Just thank you for being you, because in doing so I am who I am today and I am proud to say I am a product of your creation through the grace of God.

Your son,

Chauncey

Friday, July 2, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 2, My Crush

Dear Crush,

I've had a lot of these over time, they come and go like the days in the week. So I guess I should write about my current crush. Don't worry I'm not going to put you on blast, but by the end of this letter you'll know who you are if you don't already. Yes, I have a crush and that's all it really is. Nothing more or nothing less, maybe I do wish it was something more. Sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. That's what makes it a crush. But I digress, this is my letter to you. I guess you can say it was bad timing because we were both coming off of a heartbreak around the same exact time, met totally by chance and only hung out out of sheer boredom. What I wasn't expecting was to actually...I guess like you. I'm not going to try and sift through as to why it happened all I know is I feel a certain way about you but I never wanted to act on it simply because the situation wasn't right nor fair to either one of us. Situation is just as important as the feelings you have for the person and if they don't at least match up in someway it won't work, at least that's what I believe. It's okay, things happen for a reason and the reason can be many things. Again, I'm not going to list them all here. What I do know is for the time being you have my interest. How long it will stay there? Who knows. Do I wish something would happen with us still? Of course I do, you're my crush. But that's not really up to me, if it was this letter wouldn't even exist. I understand the times we spent together can no longer really be done because of the now current situation out of respect. And simply because well...its just a crush. Nothing more, nothing less. At least for now.

Your Crush,

Chauncey

Thursday, July 1, 2010

30 Letters In 30 Days-Day 1, My Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I just want to start off by saying this was really hard to decide on who I was going to write this letter to because I'm blessed to have not one best friend, but several and they know who they all are. I'm thankful for having the friends that I have and I thank them from time to time for that. So after much debate, I'm choosing to write you this letter because you deserve the recognition that no one ever gives you. I've never really called you my best friend, probably because you're family but I want to let you know you really are. We've known each other all our lives, literally, and I have the baby pictures to prove it lol. We've done so much together but yet have so much more to accomplish. I think it's safe to say you know me better than anyone else does, maybe even better than myself. Could it be due to us coming from the same blood and essentially having similar DNA? Maybe, but that's what makes our bond even tighter. You have honestly been there for me more than you really know, even though we spent most of our lives apart from each other and only really hung out during summer breaks. But more so 3 years ago when I moved to Gainesville and you from Virginia to Gainesville. We were both going through some very tough times, and we still are to date. But I know for a fact if it wasn't for you I...honestly don't know where I'd be right now. Probably "renouncing all my possessions and moving to Nepal" as we always used to say whenever the chips were down. If it were only that easy to do, but it isn't. But here we are, once again apart from each other but due to the wonders of technology we are able to keep in touch and still strengthen our bond as cousins and friends. Nothing will ever sever this bond, and even though that goes without saying I just want you to know that. You are hands down one of the greatest people I've ever been blessed to know and I'm glad to call you my best friend. I know you know how great you are, you have the same DNA as I do and we carry that same "cocky trait" that all of us from the Williams clan do lol. But you still need to hear it from time to time, and at least you're able to keep this letter to remind yourself of how good of a person you are and the potential you have to be even greater than you are now. Sometimes we need an ego boost, and here's yours my dude. Keep your head up and know that I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. Just don't be calling my ass at 3 in the morning on some bullshit that can easily wait until at least 8. Just playing, sort of. And on that note...I'll holla Bike B.

Your Best Friend,

Chauncey