Friday, April 30, 2010

Aye You Girl With The Tight Up Skirt!

In all seriousness, why do men try and talk to a woman with the greeting "AYE *insert pet name, color shirt, ect*" like that's going to illicit a good response in their favor? And then have the audacity to get mad when the woman shoots them down. I really don't get it, and it makes it harder for good guys like me to break the wall down in order to speak to a woman. So do me a favor: shut up. Just shut the hell up.


That doesn't even make sense. No one likes to be called out of their name, especially a woman. Women shouldn't be defined by their color shirt or "honey" or my personal favorite *insert random body part* to get their attention. Yea, you def got their attention but you sure as hell ain't gettin their number jackass. What's that ladies? "Why is it SO damn hard for a man to be polite and approach us in a more calmer way?" Well, I personally believe this happens because the man feels he has nothing to really go off of except to make a boisterous introduction to just get noticed by the woman and just wing it from there. But obviously, that's where you fail. Now my track record with randomly walking up to women and speaking to them is that of the New Jersey Nets this past season so maybe I shouldn't talk. At least these fools have the balls to step to you women, so I'll give them that much. But I do know enough that when I do approach a woman I'm not gonna yell out "AYE, SEXY YELLOW SHIRT WITH THE FAT ASS! WHAT'S GOOD?!" in order to speak to you. No one has the "end all be all" opening statement in order to break the proverbial ice when stepping to a damsel, but I thought of this analogy in order to help the challenged man who has issues with this...

When you approach a woman in an abrasive manner you're basically charging at them like a bull with flaming horns aiming for their chest. Now, obviously she is going to be defensive and throw the wall up. Or in this case the red cape to throw over your eyes and escape. In worse scenarios, she'll just stab you with the sword in hand. I mean, can you blame her? Would you want a bull charging at you with flaming horns? Didn't think so. What you want to do is approach said woman like you would if you were holding a bouquet of flowers, or a box of candy, or a huge teddy bear and were going to offer it to her. Now you don't come off as intimidating and brash. You seem welcoming, therefore...she's gonna welcome your greeting with a smile and maybe a verbal response. Now don't "politely" compliment her sex appeal in that yellow shirt she's wearing. Just approach her in a calm, smooth manner. Chances are, if she isn't married or has a boyfriend she'll respond accordingly. That's basically what it all boils down to, the Triple A: Always Act Accordingly.


Chauncey B.

The Critic

I think I realized why people are so hard on themselves. Its because they realize their potential even when no one else does. So when they aren't accomplishing what they know they can do, they beat themselves up since no one else really can judge you as harsh as you can judge yourself. You are your toughest critic. At the end of the day, you answer to you and no one else for any failures and accomplishments.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I Spy-Free Verse

I SPY




I spy with my wandering eye, a woman sitting at a booth in a restaurant.
I spied her dark, silky hair just past her shoulders.
I spied her bright brown eyes.
Her smooth mocha skin.
Her full pouty lips.
Her big wide smile.
I then spied with my wandering mind sitting across from this woman.
Staring in those same brown eyes, gently touching the arm of her smooth mocha skin, brushing her dark and silky hair out of her face, and leaning in to kiss her full pouty lips.
Then I spied with my wandering eye another man doing exactly what my wandering mind just saw.
Letting me know what I see to myself will only be for me alone and not for us to share aloud.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Goodbye-Haiku

Goodbye




We had some great times, but our time draws to a close, even though love lives.

The moments we had, are now distant memories, buried in my mind.

Our romance must end, kissing you leaves me empty, so this is goodbye.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

NBA Season Awards

Took me a while to come up with this list. The hardest picks for me was making the All-NBA 1st and 2nd teams. I'm still not confident in putting Dwayne Wade over Dirk Nowitzki but after comparing stats and how Dirk "disappeared" in the final few games of the season I'd have to go w/ Wade in that regard.

Executive of the Year: Mark Cuban, Dallas Mavericks

Coach of the Year: Scott Brooks, Oklahoma City Thunder

Rookie of the Year: Tyreke Evans, Sacramento Kings

Most Improved Player: Aaron Brooks, Houston Rockets

Defensive Player of the Year: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic (GO MAGIC!)

Sixth Man of the Year: Jamal Crawford, Atlanta Hawks

Most Valuable Player: Lebron James, Cleveland Cavs

All Rookie Team: Stephen Curry, Tyreke Evans, Brandon Jennings, Darren Collinson, Taj Gibson

All-NBA Defensive Team: Dwight Howard, Josh Smith, Kobe Bryant, Rajon Rondo, Lebron James

All-NBA Second Team: Deron Williams, Dirk Nowitzki, Carmelo Anthony, Amare Stoudamire, Joe Johnson

All-NBA First Team: Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, Dwayne Wade

Friday, April 16, 2010

2010 NBA Playoff 1st Round Predictions

This is the official 2010 NBA Playoff 1st Round Prediction Blog by yours truly...not that anyone ever really reads this damn thing but whatever. I'm not gonna fully breakdown each series by the way. I'm simply judging this as you should any playoff series: Can Team A beat Team B in a best of 7 game series. There's no need for "matchup breakdowns" and such. These are strictly my predictions for each series. So without further ado let's get to the matchups.

Cavs vs Bulls

I'm not going to even dignify this series w/ a review. Despite the Bulls have been playing very good basketball as of lately behind Derrick Rose really stepping his game up as well as Jokaim Noah you still have a well rested Lebron James...and that's all the Cavs really need to beat the Bulls in this series. I'm being generous by giving the Bulls a game only because the Cavs tend to play up to their competition at times and get lazy and could slip up. Cavs in 5.

Bobcats vs Magic

The Bobcats are a very athletic and young team that matches up well with the Magic having guys such as Stephen Jackson and Gerald Wallace on the wings. But the Magic just have too much firepower on the outside and then there's Dwight Howard manning the paint. The Bobcats put up a fight here and I say Magic in 6 games.

Bucks vs Hawks

This was actually my favorite Eastern Conference matchup until Andrew Bogut was officially deemed out for the playoffs with a brutal arm injury. The Hawks are coming in with a full squad this time around and it'll be too much for the Bucks to try and handle and win the series. The Bucks may steal a game or two but will need HUGE games from rookie of the year candidate Brandon Jennings and team leading scorer John Salmons. In the end I still have the Hawks in no more than 6.

Heat vs Celtics

You have the Heat who are playing amazing basketball in the past 22 games winning 18 of them and then you have the veteran Celtics who have been a .500 club since December. This is still a hard series to call. But the Celtics are a team full of guys who know what to do, when to do it and how to do it. The Heat may have Dwyane Wade but outside of him who else can he really depend on to step up big to oust the Celtics? Beasley? O'Neal? The Heat are still missing one major all-star to be one of the elite once again, they just simply don't have enough to overcome the Celtics. Celtics in 6.


Jazz vs Nuggets

This series has potential to go 7 games but be a snorefest of a series at the same time. Just watching Deron Williams and Chauncey Billups 2 of my favorite point guards battle it out against each other is enough to save this series for me though. I got Nuggets in 6 moving to the next round.

Thunder vs Lakers

I'm not gonna buy into the whole "Kobe isn't playing like himself" and "The Thunder are the team to watch out for" game. Sure the Thunder played them tough and Kevin Durant is becoming one hell of a player. Thunder should be able to at least get one game in to make this Lakers in 5.

Spurs vs Mavericks

BEST.FIRST.ROUND.MATCHUP.HANDS.DOWN.TUNE.IN.TO.EVERY.SINGLE.GAME. And with that said, Mavericks in 7 with Dirk dropping 47 in double overtime and Duncan pulls out 2001 Timmah and goes for 35 and 15 in a losing valiant effort and then announcing his retirement soon after. Ok I made all that up, but I am saying Mavs in 7 games.

Blazers vs Suns

Blazers don't have Brandon Roy. Suns have Steve Nash, Jason Richardson, and Amare Stoudamire. *sucks teeth* yea...Suns in 5.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

If I Was Tiger Woods...

...I would do exactly what he did and come back for The Masters. THEE biggest and most coveted of the four major golf tournaments that is played. Everyone who is in the sport wants to wear that green jacket at the end of the weekend. Its the equivalent of the World Series. The Super Bowl. World Cup. You get the picture. But why haven't you seen this all over all media outlets like we did during the 6 months of coverage of his infidelity to his wife, Erin? Where are Extra, Entertainment Tonight, and TMZ now? Why aren't they covering this? Don't give me that bullshit "its because they don't do sports that's why" cause I don't wanna hear it. We are talking about THE MASTERS. They can put a spin on this and make a juicy story out of it but they won't. Wanna know why? Its because this is a positive story and that's what these bullshit tabloid news outlets thrive on. Even our own local news in Orlando, where Tiger lives, hasn't really said shit about it. Hypothetically let's say Tiger wins, and I hope he does win.

If I was Tiger Woods this is what I would do: Take it day by day. Don't let anyone get inside of your head. By Thursday afternoon I'd be on the leaderboard. Saturday I'm up by 2 or 3 strokes. Come Sunday I'm leading the pack by 7 strokes and I take it easy and just cruise to the 18th hole and par from 8 yards out. I let the crowd roar with applause and cheers and soak it all in. Erin, carrying our child Sam in her arms runs up to me and gives me a kiss. I grab Sam and spin her around hugging her and kissing her forehead. Taking photos with my family. Smiling. Then the ceremony of the green jacket and gold medal takes place. More pictures. Then the post match interview:

Reporter: Tiger, congratulations first of all.

Tiger: Thank you, sir *adjusts jacket*

Reporter: You were off for 5 months dealing with your personal matters and come back for the Masters and win it all! How are you feeling right now?

Tiger: Can I borrow this? *takes mic*

Reporter: Umm...Tiger, can I-

Tiger: I'd just like to say thank you everyone who came out this weekend...to see me fail. Too bad that I won and now you won't have anything to talk about since the ones talking shit never had anything to say before my adultery.

Reporter: Ok Tiger I'm gon-

Tiger: You're gonna do what?

Reporter: Let you finish.

Tiger: Exactly. As I was saying...If you had something to say about me the past 5 months and I didn't hear you yappin' the past 4 days as I was making this course my bitch I suggest you keep your mouths shut. Cause we both know, if I would have lost you media tabloid and naysayers would have ALOT to say then. After all I've done with numerous charities and the history I've made in this sport not once did I hear any of you "haters" *does hand quotes* then but as SOON as Tiger Woods slips up you're ready to come out. Well I'm back and on top once again like I never left. So do yourselves a favor. *pulls out 9 iron and walks up to camera* take this and shove it up your ass. Good day.

*drops mic*

That's where I point to the clubhouse and my caddy plays John Cena's entrance music over the loudspeakers as the crowd bursts into cheers and applause. I'd be walking by high fiving people, kissing babies as I'm walking towards Erin to take her in my arms and lay a big smooch on her. I'd then take off my Masters green jacket and drape it over her shoulders and take Sam into my arms and walk off the course, in my golf cart and ride off into the sunset. But that's if I was Tiger Woods...

THIS is Tiger Woods:

Reporter: Tiger, what did today mean to you?

Tiger: Today means I'm down by two strokes from the lead.

Reporter: That's it? Nothing more?

Tiger: *stares* That's it, nothing else. I came here to win.

And he will win, in two ways. 1) He'll win The Masters for the fifth time in his career putting him one win from tying Jack Nickalus for most Masters wins of all time at 6. 2) He'll win for himself in taking another step towards exercising his inner demons and moving forward in his life. While all his doubters and "haters" *does hand quotes* are left behind with nothing else to say, and waiting for him to fall from grace again. Too bad that won't happen.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Chicken Flore...Alfredo?

Tonight I decided to make Chicken Florentine, went to the grocery store...Winn Dixie to be exact AND they didn't have any fresh spinach. Just what was in a can. Needless to say I was annoyed and went to Wal-Mart and found a bag of fresh spinach and got the other ingredients that went with it. I went through the motions and got to the spinach and was steaming it. This is where the snafu happened and I wasn't paying attention and over-steamed the spinach til it looked like mush :(. I was pretty upset but decided to just go ahead and salvage my meal and turn it into Chicken Alfredo since I happened to have a jar of Alfredo sauce in my pantry. And this is how it turned out:






















Friday, April 2, 2010

Clash Of The Titans 3D (2010) Review

So, this is my first movie review and I'm going to try and do these as much as possible for whatever new or relatively new movies I may see in theaters or fresh out on DVD. The first review I'm doing is as the title states, Clash Of The Titans in 3D. As most know this is a remake of the original version that came out in 1981. At first, I honestly wasn't even going to dignify this movie w/ a review, mainly because I couldn't due to me falling asleep through most of it. I live by the "10 Minute Film Rule" which roughly goes: if you are watching a movie and it doesn't grab you within 10 minutes of its opening, chances are you won't like it. I gave the movie TWENTY minutes to kick in and it didn't. I thought it was supposed to be an action movie, not a snore fest. Action movies shouldn't cause you to fall asleep, that's rule number one of any genre of film but for an action film its totally unacceptable. None of the actors really resonated and were just there to take up space to move the story along. The action sequences dragged along and that's where I found myself going in and out of sleep. That's not good, especially for a film that was so hyped up to be an in your face action movie with 3D graphics. The final battle with the Kraken and Hades were both uneventful and way too short. The only silver lining of the film to me and what seemed to be most of my friends was the battle versus Medusa. Other than that the film fell short of its original remake by a long shot. Oh yea, there wasn't too many 3D effects to really keep the movie interesting if any at all. But then again I was sleeping through most of it so I probably did miss some really good 3D shots. All in all personally I wouldn't recommend anyone seeing the 3D version if at all, so if you HAVE to watch it just see it in 2D and save your money. Other than that wait until it hits your local Blockbuster or Redbox and check it out then if you have the patience.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

How It Begun

I was 11 years old in my 7th grade English class and my teacher, Mrs. Henderson who was also the Drama teacher, gave us an assignment. We were all given a piece of construction paper and had to close our eyes and draw something for 3 seconds. After the 3 seconds was up she collected all of our papers and then passed them back out again to different students in the class. We were to then take these 3 second drawings and "finish" them. The picture I got was something that resembled a Nike check but it curved at the top as well as the bottom, if you can get the visual I'm trying to paint here. So I finished mine and it resembled a Hershey's kiss with legs, arms, big cartoonish eyes, smile and carried a stick. I colored it in blue, since its my favorite color and his eyes were black. The shoes and cane were brown. His hands were outlined in a black colored pencil trying to give the illusion as if he's wearing gloves. (One day I'll replicate the drawing and show everyone.) After the drawing was done she then had us take out a piece of notebook paper and write a one page story about the drawing we created. Mind you, we're all 10, 11, 12 years old and this was a random assignment given to us. And it had to be done by next class. She let us use the rest of the class period which was roughly maybe 30-40 min to at least start on the story.

I'll try and explain it as best as I can since its been 14 years but I looked at my drawing as a fungus. A good fungus. A good kid fungus. Who wielded a magic stick that was used to ward off other bad fungi that were trying to harm his village, which was actually a petri dish. His name was Funji. The good fungi and bad fungi have been at war with each other forever and the time has come for him to ward off the evil fungi army once and for all. His grandfather, Fungfucius, who was the elder of the good fungi was very sick and could not fight the evil army. So he passed down the magic stick to Funji and told him "it is your destiny to save us and become the new elder of the village." So Fungfucius trained Funji in the arts of Fungi Magic and he went of to face the evil fungi army. With great skill and willpower he was able to ward off the evil fungi army and save his village as well as his grandfather. Around the village Funji was known as a hero and just like the prophecy foretold he then soon became the village elder.

I finished my assignment that day and handed it in to my teacher, very proud of what I created. I wasn't quite sure what I did because I felt like I was sorta bullshitting my way through it. It wasn't like anything I've ever been given before as schoolwork. To be given such a freedom to just...create and not be so structured like math and science were. But I knew I loved it and enjoyed it so much I went home and told my mom and dad about it. I was really excited from what I remember lol. The following day when I went to class my teacher asked me to stay after to talk about my assignment. That's obviously NEVER a good sign and I thought I was in trouble. Class ended and I went up to her desk and she showed me the assignment. There were a lot of notes, words circled and squiggles. And a huge A+ at the top of the page with a "GREAT JOB" written next to it. She told me she's been doing this assignment for years and never has she seen such creativity done within a short amount of time. The notes and marks were her favorite parts. The names, especially Fungfucius (which if you haven't noticed is an obvious play off of Confucius) and how I created their village inside of a petri dish. She asked me where I got this from and I told her I remember reading a book about Confucius in the library and the petri dish idea came from a science project we were currently doing and that's how I saw it. When she handed me the paper back she then told me something and I still remember it and that was "Never let this creativity go to waste, it is the most precious thing that you own and that is what is special about you."

Back then I didn't quite understand what she was saying, but now I do. A child's imagination is its most precious gift that they have, mainly because they don't have much they can call their own. When I realized mine, I KNEW I wanted to write. I didn't think about money or fame nor do I now but all I know is I want to write and just express myself and create stories and ideas for the rest of my life. Way back then, at 11 years old I found what I wanted to do. I just didn't quite grasp it until I was 20 years old and dropping out of the pre-med program to go into an English/Creative Writing track because I was so up on trying to do what others wanted me to do that I lost myself. I'm slowly gaining that part of me back, and I know I will because I truly believe this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I know this because this is when I'm truly happy. And that...is how it begun.